The Hindu Lit for Life| Arundhati Ghosh on her new book, All Our Loves: Journeys with Polyamory in India

Writer Arundhati Ghosh speaks to team Metroplus on love, consent, and care, giving voice to polyamorous lives rarely heard in India

The idea that someone can desire and love more than one person simultaneously and build nurturing relationships with them, with the consent of all — is still taboo. For me, writing publicly about this practice of polyamory was not just about sharing experiences and insights from a different way of living, but dispelling the myths and misconceptions that most people have about polyamorous folks.

But when Aienla Ozukum from Aleph reached out to me to do a book, I was quite overwhelmed given the complex and expansive terrain of the subject. However, the reasons for writing it grew stronger. I wanted to negate the idea that loving one person (at a time, for some) was the only ethical way to love; I wanted polyamorous people to feel less lonely and judged, knowing there are many of us; and I wanted those curious about polyamory to listen to the joys and struggles of this journey. Love is hard any which way, but when love transgresses borders drawn by patriarchy, tradition, and prejudice it is harder still. This book holds those stories.

While I was writing I kept returning to two books for wisdom. All About Love by Bell Hooks gave me insights into intimate lives challenging conventional notions of love by exploring it through the lenses of gender, race and class; and the various stories of the Mahabharata helped me understand negotiations of relationships framed within structures of power of the State and society. Both are treatises of struggles — to live one’s politics inside-out, outside-in. The book that i am currenly binging on is Butter by Asako Yuzuki.

Writing the book was difficult. To hold space for the vulnerabilities of people I interviewed; my own skirmishes with arduous relationships brought out of the closet; and the attempt to remain sane and keep writing. One indulgence that sustained me through this period was taking time out to sit with the plants in my little balcony and listen to them. Plants have a quiet courage that is contagious. I hope to do more of listening in the coming year. 

Arundhati Ghosh will be in conversation with Priya Ramani for the session, A Thousand Loves: Ways of Being Polyamorous on January 17 at The Hindu Pavilion from 4.45pm to 5.30pm.