Valentine’s Day | Love in the era of -ships?

It is the best of times and the worst of times as Valentine’s season is finally here.

From flowers, chocolates and love letters to the far less sophisticated DMs, love is “expected” to be in the air this time of the year for a fortunate few. But, if you are not one of them, there are plenty of Anti-Valentine’s Day festivities going around, like DJ Nights, single tours and so on.

However, there is a group in between that stands shakily between the two clear boundaries of singlehood and committed relationships. It is where an entire generation persists, albeit meekly.

ALSO READ: Valentine’s Day in Bengaluru: from Nutella hearts to anti-romance parties

Often undefined with the added burden of a ‘ship’ in its suffix, unlabelled romantic or sexual relationships like ‘situationships’ for instance, lack clear commitment or plans for the future, its younger cousin, ‘textationship’, a romantic or intimate connection that relies almost exclusively on texting and messaging or the brief ‘nanoship’, which focuses exclusively on the present, are some other examples of the in-betweeners.

This season, Malayalis seem sure about their take on these connections. Discussions among youth circles are rife with conversations about whether the ‘ship’ has sailed for long-term commitments. Experts seem to be weighing in too.

Kochi-based psychologist Akhilu Thomas says many trends in relationships have emerged over recent years. “GenZ has developed gamophobia, a fear of marriage and commitment. Due to overexposure to social media, the generation is obsessed with the idea of seeming happy rather than happiness itself.”

On the contrary, Revathy*, a 25-year-old social worker, points out that these temporary relationships arise from a desire to find the right connection with someone, both physically and emotionally. Besides this, the conversation also tends to veer towards ‘the right fit’. “These non-committal relationships are ways people are adapting to quick changes in emotions, surroundings, and lifestyle. Many people tend to choose ‘situationships’ because committed relationships require accountability. It is about the ease of leaving something when it doesn’t fit your expectations,” says Ria*, a marketing executive based in Bengaluru. “Another impact I have noticed is that it has made me more comfortable being open and confident when communicating what I want and need from a relationship,” says Ravina*, a 24-year-old writer from Hyderabad, adding to the conversation about ensuring autonomy.

Some say these experiences have opened the doors to meeting new people without the pressure of a large and looming romance. “The person I was in a ‘situationship’ with also helped me express myself more artistically, which was unexpected but meaningful. Mentally, I became more open and reflective, and physically, it translated into a more confident and grounded demeanour,” says Pallavi*, a media professional based in Hyderabad.

People also find these temporary relationships a means to understand themselves after getting out of long-term relationships, this is both in familiar relationships as well as the world of dating apps. Navya*, a 24-year corporate employee in Chennai, is currently in a textationship which began after a serious relationship. “I figured it was nice to have someone to talk to. A part of me also felt validated by that person. Since my dynamic was with a person I know, there was a sense of comfort that came with it.”

However, Navya believes her textationship is not sustainable in the long term. “People choose non-committal relationships because they are scared, after whatever their lived experiences have been. Some people would choose this for the rest of their lives. But it is out of fear of making a mistake again from the previous relationships.”

The art of labelling

Geoffery Shocky, a creative planner at an advertising agency in Kochi, says, “Our generation is obsessed with putting labels on things. Even in our parents’ generation, there were probably people who didn’t want to commit [to a relationship]. The names might not have existed, but the practice has.”

These terms, however, are not all bad, says Soumya Rajendran, 34. “People are now able to recognise a pattern, which they have known for some time. When I was in my early teens and was in college, ‘situationships’ still happened. You could not call it anything, but you were still subject to the same emotions. Terms like ‘gaslighting’ and ‘situationship’ came later, and that’s when people realised what their partners were doing to them.”

Ravina says, “I have had experiences that could probably be classified into labels I do not know of, but in my dictionary, none of them are relationships. It is only one if you are two people in love, working together as a team to make each other better and figure out life, while building something meaningful together, no matter how short or long it is a relationship.”

The demise of committment

So, do ‘situationships’ mean the end of committed relationships?

Geoffery says, “’Situationships’ cannot replace serious relationships. It is definitely true that people might be a little more commitment-phobic now, but there will always be serious relationships.” Pallavi says, “I’ve noticed that my dating life often begins with curiosity and ends with clarity. The connections may be brief, but they’ve taught me to recognise the difference between being chosen and choosing myself.”

However, it is not easy going for love and Gen Z, believes Ria. “Love has gotten complicated over time. Love has been broken down into multiple tick boxes, and only if your partner ticks them all do you win. People have started judging and segregating based on behaviour, looks, actions, words, love languages, gender, status, financial stability, family and so on. Love is no longer a self-sufficient emotion; it needs to be a package deal,” says Ria.

The real takeaway, however, is that, irrespective of whether ‘situationships’ are here to stay, people seem largely optimistic about the importance of love and personal connection.

*Names changed to protect identity

Published – February 12, 2026 05:53 pm IST