The Hindu Lit for Life: Shobhaa De on love, desire and loneliness

Loneliness is the world’s number one malaise right now, killing more people than we care to admit.  My advice to people across age groups who are trying to find love, belonging, passion, etc., is to tune in — first to ourselves, then to others who matter.

Imagination is so underrated, (and) we are afraid of our own sexual fantasies. To discover your own sensual potential, inhibitions and speed breakers need to be dropped — mentally, to start with, and selectively, in practice. A good place to start is by nurturing all that is beautiful and pleasing in tactile terms. Also, accepting one’s body and appreciating the partner’s is crucial. Love-making is not performative or transactional: give, and you shall receive! Beyond just a biological need, there is poetry!

The Sensual Self: Explorations of Love, Sex & Romance began as a lifelong quest to decode desire. There are so many unanswered questions, unsolved puzzles, personal insecurities, unresolved dilemmas and long-buried secrets. I wanted to write about stuff that makes us squeamish without blushing, reassure women it’s okay to fake it and remind Gen Z there are body parts that need attention. 

Living well, for me, is all about enchantment and magic! It means living in the ‘now’ (with) every waking moment illuminated by a golden glow. (It also means) looking forward to the unexpected and startling: a dangerous dinner companion, discovering a new fragrance, regressing, enjoying dreams.

The one indulgence that makes my life better is benne — with Prosecco.

Right now, I am reading Tender is the Night — my lifelong love affair with F Scott Fitzgerald continues. And Rumi in between.

As told to Preeti Zachariah

Shobhaa De will be in conversation with Rosella Stephen, discussing ‘Sex, Sensuality, and Shobhaa De’ on January 18 between 2pm and 2.50 pm at Sri Mutha Venkatasubba Rao Concert Hall